*BOO!!*

did i scare you??
i just realized how long i didn't blog here...more than a  year...gosh...
neways...i've actually blogged somewhere else...
i almost forgot how to use this thing...
ohyar...having SPM now...
6 more days of exams...23 hours and 30 minutes more of papers...
11 days more to holiday!!...
seems kinda fast...never thought that i would actually sit for SPM...
i lived for the past 17 years...woa....
never thought i could come his far...
but yea...for now...been studying but no idea how i'll do
i got chosen for NS
TAHNIAH! anda telah terpilih untuk mengikuti Program Khidmat Negara Siri 4/2007...
i guess in a way, it's something to be thankful for...
i can't wait to play all those games...i just dislike the marching part
and also the bathing part...
ohyar...
my next dream is to go for a mission trip...
dunno why this came to me...but i'll wait till the time comes...
hehe...
neways...just in case i don't blog here anymore...
you can check out my other blog...
http://dinlgydangly.spaces.live.com/
...got lots of pictures there...
kk...
gtg now...bye!!

one whole week has passed...so fast...exams are getting so near...but yea...this whole week has been realy packed...and horrible...

9th September 2005

this date...this date....gosh....the first thing which comes to my mind....I HATE GUYS...I HATE GUYS!!....actually not all guys lar...just *some* people....i wanted to be a little ruder but guess i shouldn't...so yea...hehe...this is how it all happened...ohyar...keep this p & co....don't spread around...

it was a normal friday like any other friday...like usual "he" is finding for some arguements...so yea...normal thing for him...then after recess...we had our pj....the time changes here and there so yea...then we had add maths....billy got hurt during pj lesson....i think he fell down and hurt his elbow which is bleeding...and he was sitting right in front of the girl sitting next to me...and the blood is kinda gross lar...and here comes the irritating "him"...then sisi ask billy to go and bandage his wound and three of us agreed...except "him"....he said that billy doesn't wan his wound to be bandaged...and so on lar....but billy just follow sisi to the room lar....and "he" followed along...complaining all the way...when he came back...he was so very irritating....he kept on complaining...and here comes him blaming me...saying that i said billy MUST go and bandage his wound...i didn't even say MUST....he just went...and then he say that the teacher scold billy lar...and so on...after he complained so much...and then he say that i shouldn't campur tangan when i don't need to....billy is my fren and he's just sitting like...so call in front of me...am i suppose to not bother when his wound is bleeding??...then he said " all CF people also like that one...always like to fight wan..." gosh....i didn't start the arguement, "he" did...so i say...finelar...and that i don't want to continue argueing with him...i just shut my mouth and rest my head on the table...the anger burning in me...then you know wat he say..."haih...leave your God lar....come join the devil"....i feel like slapping him...but i didn't...at least i still know my limits...i just rest my head on the table without realising that tears start to roll down my cheeks...i was so angry...i was so hurt...not long ago he made me so angry....only on that very day i learn to forgive him and here he comes again....making me so angry...i cried and cried...i just couldn't stop and no idea how but my frens realised and "he" too realised....and you know wat he said..."haih...let her cry lar...let her cry lar...haih...only those who worship god will cry wan..."....i really feel like showing him that i can stop crying and i didn't cry because of God i cry because i really hate him....i cried for the whole period....when the next period teacher entered the class...i didn't stand up to wish her....i don't want anymore people to know i'm crying...haih...that very moment...i just feel like changing class...i just feel like not seeing him anymore...i just want to skip school....i really really hate him...i hate him so much...then i spoke to God...He was there with me all along...the only One i could talk to that moment...after that incident...i didn't even talk to him at all...i didn't look at him...i hate him so much...till this very moment...when i return home, i went straight to bed and cry all over again...talking to God every moment....THANK YOU LORD!!! SATAN IS UNDER MY FEET!!!

10th September 2005, Saturday

it is a saturday i know...but i have school...replace ment class....again i have to stay in the same class as he is...the whole day i didn't talk to him...i didn't even look at him...i sit far away from him...even when there's somehting i needed to give him but i didn't....i just put it aside...i wish i could just tear it away...but i didn't...thinking of the incident the day before made me wanna cry all over again....then when school ended...i feel much better...knowing that i won't be seeing him till monday...but when i reach home...i realised that i am worship leading in youth the next day....but i was really lazy and i was really in a wrong mood...but then...i just called all my musicians...which i can't get almost all of them...and then i went online...trying to get my guitarists...finding out that they both can't play....then i told one of the guitarist who is also the president lar...same age wan....i told him the whole thing...and he ask me to call later...it was 9 soemthing already...so yea...i just called...but sitll can't get them...then i told him and he say...wait lar...call them later...i was like...siao??...so he say...haih...don't disturb me lar...don't bother me with things you can decide on your own...guess wat's in my mind..."who's the one who's not able to play guitar for me now huh?"....but i didnt say anything....my wonderful sister replied the message for me...with such rude stuff...scolding him like siao...which is usually dont'...heeh...and he said..."i think you should pray"....hehe...actually i'm alright...then he ask me to call tm, the worship coordinator...which i say don't need....i asked him whether i can change it to a short prayer session...he say he will ask tm to call me...my sis replied...watever...so yea...i went downstairs to continue with my studies...hoping that things will go well...coz i know God will get things right...then suddenly the phone rang and i picked it up....it was tm...

tm: hello, can i speak to jovy please

me: errr....hang on

[pass the phone to my sis...]

jo: hello, who's this on the line?

tm: teck meng here...it jovy there?

jo: tm ar...she's sleeping already...too angry...

tm: ohh...then nvmlar...

*sweat*

haha...scare me...tm is a cery very cheong hei lecturer...haha...but yar....my sis helped me through...haha...i was okay lar...so i did went to sleep at last....praying to God...waiting and hoping that my musicians will all appear all of a sudden...and hoping that tm won't lecture me in youth...

11th September 2005, Sunday

EHYT....hehe...she's back from aussie...haih...miss her so much...but she's only coming back at night...so can't meet her...haih...okie...early in the morning i woke up and spent some time with God...and then went to church...guess wat....MY MUSICIANS ARE ALL THERE!! i knew God will do everything...hehe...tm was there also...i didnt really dare to look at him...just kept looking away....hehe...then i chose the songs...and then start the practice...with like...not much mood...but i know truly that this is not for me ...this is for God...then we prayed and we start the worship...thw whole worship was so wonderful....after so many times worship leading...i guess this was the best coz i really focused on God and letting him speak through me...i had no mood and i had no strength...but he hold me...and brought me through...for the first time after a very very long time...the youth was serious with God...hands were lifted high up....prayed for the spm and pmr students...then i end the worship with a prayer...bringing people back to the right track...i know it wasn't me speaking...it was God...after the session, tm followed me into the room and told me that it was great...still, i didn't dare to have any eye contact with him...till he mentioned that he called me the night before and my sis said tat i was sleeping...he said he knew i wasn't...which truly i wasn't...hehe...so yea...but God was merciful...He was so great...God was so GOOD to me....I LOVE YOU!!....

Today

i didn't got school today...i had nose bleed...no idea why...maybe coz of all the pressure...hehe...but yea....i'm good now....haih...have to meet "him" again tomorrow...i don't know how to survive...but i know God is with me...and whether or not i forgive him...no idea....just have to wait till the anger go off...i will never join the devil....NEVER!! do you hear me devil??....I WILL NEVER JOIN YOU!! NEVER!! God will always be in my heart...and He will always be with me...i love God...I LOVE JESUS!!...

~ Jesus is the answer ~

~ for the world today ~

~ above him there's no other ~

~ Jesus is the way ~

hie!!

the whole afternoon i spent my time listening to sermons...how great...but seriously, it was great. now this song is playing round my head...figure it won't come out till exams...hehe...the sermons are by pastor kong in singapore now...hehe...he's very...erm...influential...i think...can't get the exact word...but yea....you should hear his sermons...but today also...i got back online with God...lately coz of studies i sorta backslided...then after i hear the sermon by pastor kong bout backsliding and something like that...yealor...i'm awaken now...yea...i'm ermm...back on track...i hope...

GOD IS GREAT, K??

NO ONE CAN EVER COMPARE TO HIM!! and i mean no one...NO ONE!!

HE'S THE ANSWER TO THE WORLD!!

Jesus is the answer

for the world today

above him there's no other

Jesus is the way....

~unfair~

...no idea...i feel so useless...am i? okay...erm...i've been trying to change myself lately...in a way i feel better now...time to just let go everything....this period of time where she's not around me make me feel that i don't have anything to worry...except for her safety...but i know God will protect her...i know...

but today...all of a sudden, i feel so sorry...i feel that something is just not right...was it me? did i do something wrong? is it just becoz we're not together anymore? is it coz i haven't been with you? why? am i not your fren anymore? am i not your sister anymore? i miss you a lot!! i just wish to see a smile on your face when i pass you by. i just wish we can be like the old times where we just laugh, cry, hug and chat together....i miss you a lot...and i'm waiting for you to be my fren again. i may have done something wrong in the past which might have hurt you but i really don't know...i'm sorry....i feel so tired seeing you all so down. i'm glad you are changing lives out there but i really wish i can fall into your arms again. my heart hurts...my heart is crying out...i don't know wat to do. of all the people around me, why you? why? no matter how much others may hate me or look down on me or avoid me but please not you too...i trusted you...i trusted you...don't give me the look which tells me that i'm not your fren anymore...the *i don't know you* look...i wish you understand...i wish you know...i'm sorry...

^hOLidAYz!^

holidays just started...it's more like homework days...anyway...at least i don't need to go to school. okie...actually i came on to blog bout something which happened on friday...i just wasn't able to blog it earlier...so yar...

on friday...it was coco day. sorta boring...my frens didn't come...some of my not really close frens came..so i join them lor...let me go straight to the point. the day before, i really didn't want to go to school...it seems like there's no reason to go to school. but i don't know why...i just feel that i should go...and now i know why...after my morning prefect's duty...i went back to class...then i went and to my kimia homework...then i heard YS talking bout God and how he don't agree with everything....i got so distracted from my homework and went and sit right in front of him...next to a SL who was sitting next to him and trying to convience him...so yea...we went a lot about the Bible...and he kept on denying...and at last he say that even if the truth is the truth, he rather go to hell...i almost knock his head...he said that there aren't any responsibilities in hell...but loads in heaven....people...please...whether you are up in heaven or down in hell...there are always responsibilities...even to live as a soul is a responsibility...so yea...and i really got mad when he say something bad bout God....guess wat i did...maybe i'm a bit too ganas...but yea...i took the pensel case which is the nearest thing i could take hold of and wack him a few times till i chill...so yea...a ganas lady...but who in the world am i going to stand someone who's talking bout my God....and you know wat...i found out something...i went to school on that day for a reason....a meaningful school day...better than going and studying...and i realise once again how awesome God is...i realise how important he is in my life....i realise how much i'm blessed by Him....he was great....he was awesome...thank you Lord....

now...okie...on friday night i went to church to watch left behind episode 1 and saturday, left behind episode 2....it was really nice....but i was really tired...wat to do...haha...listen to this conversation:

A : i don't need God. there are many more good people out there and i am one of them too. i don't need God and i don't want to give up anything. i've lost my wife and i've lost my children.

B : but..but...there's sure a time you need Him...and this is not something you buy....this is a gift...you don't have to give up anything...God wants you...God loves you...Jesus died on the cross for me and you...He forgives you...

A : yea right...i'm a good person...i've not murdered anyone...so yea...

C : hey....you said you are innocent...have you obey the 10 commandments?

A : yea...most of it...i didn't murder anyone

C : okie...let me ask you....have you ever lied?

A : yea....everyone does that...

C : wat does that makes you?

A : human?

C : you know wat i mean...if you rob someone, you are call a robber...so if you lie, wat does that make you?

A : fine...a liar

C : have you ever steal something in your life?

A : no....

C : not even a little thing...when you were young?

A : i think i did once when i was small

C : wat does that make you?

A : a theive

C : yea....and as the Bible says...anyone who looks at a woman lustly has already commited adultery in his heart. have you ever do that?

A : yea...yea....i know...so it makes me an adulterer, right?

C : yes...and that's only 3 of the commandments...do you still consider yourself as a good person? you need Jesus...eternal life is a gift from God...all you have to do is to accept it....

***********************************************

it makes me wonder how many commandments i actually kept...and whether i can use that way of talking when i tell my frens bout Jesus...i'm not sure...hmmm....i'll see how...hehe...yea...now i gtg...my leg hurts...shop too much....ciaoz...